Fearfully and Wonderfully Made... Different

Flowers and chocolates and Valentines: Oh My! For millions, today was a celebration of their sweethearts; for countless others is was just another shameless marketing holiday. Whatever your perspective, amorous love is a subject that God thinks is important.

Newsflash: Men and women are different! Though this fact does not escape every kindergartener in America, it would prove heretical to many in the world today. But it is in this age of egalitarianism, which claims that there are no differences between the sexes, where the most family crises occur. Claims that men and women should have the same roles, responsibilities, accountability, and demands put on them are, in a word, ridiculous. Why? Because they were never intended nor created to be that way.

The Bible is very clear on this point and ignorance of this is very detrimental to the union of marriage. In accordance with the claims of the day, men and women are not educated to understand and deal with their differences as they become husbands and wives. Respectively, the majority of marriages end in divorce.

To help us understand how fundamentally different men and women think, let me illustrate. Let’s say this guy named Jeff is attracted to a woman named Traci (the only non- hypothetical element to this story). Jeff asks Traci out to a movie, and she accepts. They have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anyone else.

Then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Traci. Without really thinking, she says aloud, “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

There is silence in the car. To Traci, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself, “ Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.”

And Jeff is thinking, “ Gosh. Six months.”

And Traci is thinking, “But hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I could have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?”

And Jeff is thinking, “So that means it was...let’s see...September when we started going out, which was right after I put the car in the shop, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Traci is thinking, “He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.”

And Jeff is thinking, “And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those thieves $600.00.”

And Traci is thinking, “He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry too. Oh, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.”

And Jeff is thinking, “They’ll probably say it’s only a 90 day warranty. That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, those shysters.

And Traci is thinking, “Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.”

And Jeff is thinking, “Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a warranty, and a five knuckle sandwich too...

“Jeff,” Traci says aloud.

“What?” Asks Jeff, startled.

“Please don’t torture yourself like this,” she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. “Maybe I should never have...Oh, I feel so...” (She breaks down sobbing.)

“What?” Asks Jeff.

“I’m such a fool,” Traci sobs. “I mean, I know there’s no knight. I really know that. It’s silly. There’s no knight, and there’s no horse.”

“There is no horse?” asks Jeff.
“You think I’m a fool, don’t you?” Traci asks.

“No!” Jeff replies, glad he could finally find at least one correct answer.

“It’s just that...It’s that I...I need some time,” Traci says.

(There is a 15 second pause while Jeff, thinking as fast as he can, tries to find a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)
“Yes,” he says.

(Traci’s deeply moved and touches his hand)
“Oh, Jeff, do you really feel that way?” She says.
“What way?” Asks Jeff.

“That way about time,” Traci replies.

“Oh,” says Jeff. “Yes.”

(Traci turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes. This causes him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
“Thank you, Jeff,” she says.

“Your welcome?” He replies.

Then he takes Traci home. She goes into her room and lies on her bed and weeps until dawn.

Jeff, on the other hand, gets back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he has never heard of before. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what. So he figures it’s better if he doesn’t think about it. (This, incidentally, is also Jeff’s policy on the Clinton presidency.)

The next day Traci calls her closest friend, or perhaps two of them. They talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstakingly minute detail, they analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never tiering of the subject either.

Meanwhile, Jeff, while playing racquetball one day with Traci’s brother, pauses just before serving, frown, and says: “Chris, did Traci ever own a horse?”

Now you must realize that without God’s help marriages are in real trouble today. If you are having trouble in your marriage today, you owe it to yourself, and to God, to seek out an understanding of the differences in behavior and thought patterns between you and your spouse.

How do you make your marriage work? Well you get so wrapped up in the man or woman of your youth, that you cannot even see anyone else (Proverbs 5:18-23). I don’t know who first said “opposites attract,” but I do know that God knew it before anyone said it; because He created us that way.

When you follow God's plan for your marriage you will see Him unlock His floodgates until you have the marriage of perpetual joy you always dreamed of. Life is to short to be miserable!

Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry.